Surprises

It's been a while, and it's late, so I do want to keep it brief.

Surprises...I think one of the great joys in life is when one is surprised in a good way, or is surprising in a good way. We are so cynical about life, and we try to pre-package it all and control it all, and know it all.

Pish posh. Life would be so much more interesting if you were surprised more often. So that's the charge for today...don't know how, don't care how....but try (in a GOOD way) to be surprised.

"I Will Go Sailing No More"

Found this song on Youtube, since I never watched any of the Toy Story movies. What a depressing, yet poignant song about life, getting older, etc. As I mentioned before, as I have some arthritis, there are certain things I could do 5 years ago that I can't do now--which makes this song especially hit home for me. The song is called, "I will go sailing no more"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pA9FINJI90


You never know what life is going to throw at you, and what effect it will have on your mind,body, spirit,etc. I've been lucky in the sense that there are a lot of things I got done when I was younger--like travelling, cycling, etc, so that I don't have too many regrets about not doing them. Sadness, yes...because some of the stuff I'd have more trouble doing now.

Mark Twain said it best...

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

I don't know...it's been a really frustrating couple of weeks--like a car in a snowbank, trying to get out...wheels are spinning, and absolutely no movement is happening. Of course, it would go more smoothly and ideally if I had more patience. lol!! Patience is not my virtue--never has been. Whether it's with friends, family, co-workers, the man, or God...I don't like to wait. I'm the type pf person who'd pray, "Lord, give me patience, and I want it now".

Of course, with everything..there are upsides and downsides. Not being patient often gets people moving, and improves the chances of getting what you want, because you're not willing or able to wait while people take their sweet blessed time for absolutely no reason whatsoever. NONE. Of course, if that isn't the case...being impatient only increases your stress level to the point where you're apoplectic.

I guess it's something I have to work on...Lord give me patience...and I'm prepared to wait...:)

VOTE!!!!

This is for my Canadian friends specifically, but for all people when the opportunity arises. I urge everyone to learn the issues, talk to people, do the research, read party platforms--find out where and how one votes in your riding... and then actually go out and VOTE.

I don't care who you vote for. In my life I've voted NDP, Liberal, Green...never the right candidate around to make me vote Conservative....which ironically is where I lay/lie on the political spectrum. YES, there will be a posting on the importance of grammar later today...

But I digress...if you have the right to vote...please do so!

Dream On....

I dreamt I was walking down the street with a friend of mine...this stranger comes up besides us, all crazy like. We are just about to ignore him when he reveals that he has a handgun. So, naturally, he has our full attention as we walk the street. The handgun is hidden, looked something like a snub nosed revolver, or a police special...but can't be sure..

Anyway, somehow, I manage to send a message via text that I need the police--sent the text to someone at work, who take their time in coming, mind you. Anyway, the police tackle him, and he opens fire...only he opens fire with some sort of machine gun...he almost hits me, though I didn't feel that I was in any danger... I also (in the same dream) dreamt that a house exploded..

I usually have a good idea of what my dreams mean, but this one has me for a complete loss. Perhaps somehow it's a symbol of my frustration that I've been experiencing over the last week or so.

There's some other stuff that is going on, re: the frustration with worship, that I can't really say in a public forum. It, of course, doesn't make it any less frustrating...

So anyway...I think the problem is that all of this negative energy and frustrations aren't going anywhere for the time being...they are just sitting here, bubbling under the surface. Not sure exactly how to get rid of them, for now...

Some friends of mine were visiting the Science Centre--there was an exhibit on natural disasters. I asked what natural disaster do you most resemble when you get angry. Some said tornado, others said hurricane. I said earthquake...I get angry for a really short time, there's little to no warning, and the damage afterwards can be very, very severe. However, I don't get that angry very often...

Anyway...just been having weird dreams lately...had another one last night...

Baffles with High Frustration Corn Syrup...

*Sigh*

Today was just one of those days...I don't know. Just seemed frustrated. I sing at a church, and I didn't think I did a really great job today.I mean, I did ok...but not as well as I wanted to. Is it just me, or are we our own worse critics? I know I am...I try to set these standards as to where I want to be, and sometimes I don't think I reach them....and then I get mad with myself, and express my frustrations in a blog. :)

I take worship seriously...I firmly believe that singers, people reading scripture, doing prayer, and worship leading are conduits by, to, and through God. So, one wants to do one's best...and when I don't, it's almost like I'm letting God down. I mean, imagine...having God as a boss, and having him look at you in disappointment...(shudder). Sometimes, that's how I feel when I don't think I've done my best...

What else am I frustrated in...frustrated and baffled...I have to admit that relationships, and finding them, and being in them baffle me. The whole aspect of it. Now, if one will permit me a bit of immodesty, I like to think of myself as a smart guy. Bright, intelligent, witty...lol, all of it. However, what baffles and frustrates me is the sphere of romance and love, and all of that jazz. It's so...illogical. And I wish it were logical...so I could understand it, and write a formula for it, and be done with it. Now,I know that what I'm wishing could never happen.

However, I have to admit that it bugs me that it's an area in my life that I can't use my smarts to solve. It requires a certain amount of wisdom, and savvy to navigate, and I don't have that kind of smarts in this particular field. I'd be the Titanic in the iceberg-filled oceans of romance...and we all know what happened to the Titanic. Designed by the best, lead by the best...and hit an iceberg, took on water, and sank. Lately, I feel like I've been doing a lot of sinking lately...and I'm getting tired of it. But what to do? Have no idea...and THAT frustrates me as I cruise around aimlessly, so to speak--trying hard not to sink, graze anything, take on water, avoid being run aground...and all in the fog. Yes, I realize the ocean metaphor has gone on for a while...but it's how I feel.

Work...lol. Don't even get me started on work. (and that's all I have to say about that).

I don't know. I hate those 3 words. I mean, one can learn to love them if it motivates you to try and find out, and it lights a fire under your curiosity. And I admit...sometimes those words do motivate me to do just that. However, lately, I've been hearing these words said to myself..

"THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO".


I despise those words with a passion. Despise them. I guess I'm just tired--spiritually tired--deep in the bones tired--no, not tired...weary. That's the word. ANYWAY...think it's time for me to go to bed...maybe a good night's sleep, and a meaningful dream will help things be clearer in the morning.

TRUSTNO1

Trust no one. For those into Science Fiction shows, this was the password and motto of Agent Fox on the X-Files..

For the most part, the rift between my friend and I has healed. Somewhat. Still, it's hard to fully trust him--that is a sad legacy of what happened, even though he "sort of" understand what happens and why I felt the way I felt. But I don't understand why he did it in the first place.Was it misguided haste and urgency? Was it because he was a backstabber? Both?

TRUSTNO1

Politicians...need I say more?

Charming the morning dew right off the honeysuckle...

I was having a discussion with a friend of mine about politics, and politicians, and the conversation inevitably lead toward "charm", or charisma, and more to the point...if I had one or the other.

I'm going to drag some words into this post by people more erudite than I. Oscar Wilde said

"All charming people, I fancy, are spoiled. It is the secret of their attraction"

But seriously...what makes some people liked, and some people despised for doing the same thing, saying the same words, and acting in the same way? Can we put a name on that quality that causes certain people to be funny, and others to be serious and mean? What is the difference between sarcasm and mean? Cruelty and witty?

But think about it...we ALL know people who just rub others the wrong way--who, by a look, a turn of phrase, or even tone of voice, give off such a bad impression that we want nothing to do with them. Even while others can say things on par with what they say, and somehow manage to get away with it..

I think another good friend put it best..."Adrian, I'm surprised you haven't been punched in the face yet"....;) All in due time, all in due time..


I'll be honest. I know that I can be arrogant, egotistical, and too smart for my own good. I don't suffer fools gladly, and consider myself an intellectual. I can be sarcastic, witty, and even...catty. However, most of my friends and co-workers, if asked, would say that I can carry it off. Most people. Not all...LOL. So what makes me different from another person, who would come off in a far worse light? Is it charm? Charisma? Or some ineffable quality that can't be defined?