Can one forgive and not forget?

Somewhat philosophical question...but one with definite real-world applications. Those of you reading these posts know that quite recently I was not treated with the respect and courtesy one treats a friend. In fact, one could say that the person treated me disloyally. I've come to accept that this person will never change, and that I need to make modifications as to what I share with him. Sort of downgrading him into a lower class of friend.

Now, I know that sounds kind of harsh, but think about it. If you're being honest with yourself...you know that in your group of friends, you have some people you tell everything. BFF's, for example. And other friends...well, they might not understand, or they are gossips--whatever. Regardless...while they are "friends", they are not Best Friends Forever.

So anyway...back to the story. I've downgraded him. Friends need to be there for each other, to generally have the other's back, to support, and to be supportive. They are people who you have a great deal of trust, and vice versa--they have to be able to trust you. And I don't think this person fits the bill.

It's funny...I was busy and hadn't talked to this gent in a while, and was asked if I was mad...and I was going to answer honestly...but then I decided--what point would it make? Or more to the point, what point would it serve? The "30 pieces of silver" had been exchanged, so to speak, and there really was no going back. An apology would not have been able to rectify anything, and wouldn't change the fact that I now have to keep things from someone who was a close friend in fear that it'll be used against my emotions, feelings, and interests.

So back to the question...can one forgive and not forget? Can one absolve a person for something they've done, and then act like they've never, ever done it? Because honestly...I can forgive...but the last part is damned near impossible.

Any thoughts?

Re-evaluate the command structure of this friendship....

Star Trek: The Next Generation...there's a scene where Riker (who is the first officer/2nd in command) is having a discussion with the Captain. Captain Picard wants some info from him, but Riker can't divulge it because he's been ordered to keep it a secret by some admiral. Naturally, this doesn't go over well, because the safety of the ship is at stake. Picard admits the futility of this, but says that "If his trust has been misplaced, then he'll have to re-evaluate the command structure of this ship".

For all of you who aren't ST:TNG fans..that pretty much means Riker is gone from the ship.

The reason I mention this is that a friend did something that I didn't think was kosher, or something a friend should do. Was he within his rights? Yes. Did I end up feeling like crap because of it? Yeah....and I'm probably more upset at myself for giving someone information that was used against me because I placed trust in someone that was clearly misplaced.

So what to do? I've decided that from now on, certain things I'm going to keep to myself. Which is sad--friends are there to confide in, not to be concerned that they will use information against you. One shouldn't be worried about being read your "Miranda Rights"..."Yes, you can tell me about so and so, but anything you say may be used against you". So yeah...it's sad...but probably the best possible course of action...

Games People Play...

Was just thinking about love, and life, and relationships, etc....and I find it sad and a little bit disappointing that games are such a huge part of things, instead of honesty.

It's this choreographed sequence of movements, all designed to mask how we truly may feel about each other, so that we don't come off as crazy, or weird or plain loco. How many of us have

heard the rules about calling people after a date? " You can't call right away, but you have to call within 3 days", for example. Or how you have to play hard to get--not show too much eagerness, yet be eager enough, but not too distant or aloof...

It would be nice to be free of those rules and conventions that the dating world has placed on us, and just be ourselves when it comes to stuff life that. I mean...if you had a great date, and really liked the guy...CALL HIM. Or vice versa! Gender roles complicate things as well, and in the year 2011, shouldn't we really be past that. Gay, straight, bi, whatever, it would be nice if we could get past all the stuff that holds us back and just act honestly.

Now, I agree...it would be difficult for many people to adjust. And I'm not advising 100% honesty, without taking into consideration how the other person might feel. He/she might not be ready to hear after the first date that you are totally in love with them, and want to get hitched by the end of next week. LOL. But if you DO feel that way...lol...then maybe killing yourself waiting 2 days after the date to call might be a wrong tactic for you...

So the question is...how do get rid of the games and come to a middle ground that is closer to how each person feels? I'm a bubbly, effervescent sort when it comes to romance--if I like someone, it's hard for me not to keep that inside. I WANT to talk to them, etc. For those who are more cerebral and distance--you may like someone, but don't feel the need to go on about it to them incessantly.

On the other hand...if you don't like someone...SAY SO. In the grand scheme of things, will it really hurt to say, text, or email someone after an initial date, "I'm sorry, but I don't think it'll work", or something innocuous like that? I know...in this day and age, people are supposed to be able to "take a hint", or "read between the lines". But taking hints and reading between lines can lead to confusion and hurt feelings where they are miscontrued, or not detected.

So, that's about all for today....

Election Fever...

Well, for all you residents of Canada...there is going to be another election. It's increasingly likely that the 3 opposition parties will vote in favour of a non-confidence motion, and trigger an umteenth election in Canada...most likely on May 2, or May 9th.

What we need is 3 different party leaders, as I'm not enamoured with any of them. It's a shame that there is such a dearth of quality in the people we choose to become our Prime Minister...however, there will be much more on that later..

I think the next post will be on love, and life...:) Time to move into some stuff that is serious, but not concerning the world...more about me and my personal interests and views on what makes me me.

U.N. Believable...

The U.N. has FINALLY decided to take action to prevent the slaughter of innocent Libyans by making it possible to enforce a no-fly zone.

I guess better late than never is the only thing I can say. From Darfur to Sudan to Rwanda the U.N. has stood idly by and dithered while million (yes MILLIONS) of innocents have been slaughtered or left to die.

It's too bad that the United Nations couldn't be something that truly had a good effect on the world when it counted. Don't get me wrong...I think that the United Nations has done some good when it comes to humanitarian issues and curbing/curing disease...but in military action where a show of force is required--they've been lacking. Sorely, sorely lacking.

Bi-Lingualism

Someone on Facebook recently challenged me on my use of words from their culture and their language--which raises an interesting point. Is it ok for "gentiles" to use jewish words, or caucasians to use patois, whe communicating with people of that group? Is it insulting? Or does it use a familiar word to express a thought in a way you KNOW they'll understand?

The politics of language can be frought with difficulty. As a black man...it isn't acceptable for anyone else of a different colour to use the "n-word"...even in jest. But is it ok for other Afro-Canadians to use it? And we can't forget the other epithets of other races, and groups.


Language can be used to identify ourselves with a group of people, to be understood, to show solidarity, etc. And as long as language is being used in that way,I think it's fine to tailor your message to those who are listening...