Somewhat philosophical question...but one with definite real-world applications. Those of you reading these posts know that quite recently I was not treated with the respect and courtesy one treats a friend. In fact, one could say that the person treated me disloyally. I've come to accept that this person will never change, and that I need to make modifications as to what I share with him. Sort of downgrading him into a lower class of friend.
Now, I know that sounds kind of harsh, but think about it. If you're being honest with yourself...you know that in your group of friends, you have some people you tell everything. BFF's, for example. And other friends...well, they might not understand, or they are gossips--whatever. Regardless...while they are "friends", they are not Best Friends Forever.
So anyway...back to the story. I've downgraded him. Friends need to be there for each other, to generally have the other's back, to support, and to be supportive. They are people who you have a great deal of trust, and vice versa--they have to be able to trust you. And I don't think this person fits the bill.
It's funny...I was busy and hadn't talked to this gent in a while, and was asked if I was mad...and I was going to answer honestly...but then I decided--what point would it make? Or more to the point, what point would it serve? The "30 pieces of silver" had been exchanged, so to speak, and there really was no going back. An apology would not have been able to rectify anything, and wouldn't change the fact that I now have to keep things from someone who was a close friend in fear that it'll be used against my emotions, feelings, and interests.
So back to the question...can one forgive and not forget? Can one absolve a person for something they've done, and then act like they've never, ever done it? Because honestly...I can forgive...but the last part is damned near impossible.
Any thoughts?
I SO totally agree with you and YES, it is possible to forgive and not forget.
ReplyDeleteForgiving is easy, but the forgetting is really hard and I think that stems from the pain that is caused by the initial action.
As humans, we remember the pain. It's how we learn not to play with fire.
I believe that one can forgive yet not forget. Once you really forgive you it won't really matter that you still remember.
ReplyDeleteI recently read a book called The Shack that, amongst other things, deals with this topic. Maybe you'll give it a read?
I think it is OK not to forget. We should 'try' to forgive cause from what I have seen not doing so only harms the person already hurting! But I am also not a fool, so as to not learn from what happened by completely forgetting.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to have a hard time forgetting simply because it's an issue of trust. It's not like I'm refusing forgiveness for playing a practical joke, or something banal like that...
ReplyDelete