I am what I am.

It's been too long since I've posted something, so here goes...

Why is it that the things we want the most are the things we sometimes have the least control over. Relationships are a prime example. We want what we can't have, or more to the point, we desire something that we have no control over.

The last couple of weeks have been very bad for me in terms of my social life and how my friends fit into that. To make a long story short, I'm been confronted with an age old question--both in terms of my friendships and potential relationships. Do I change who I am, how I act, how I speak and how I feel to get what I want NOW? Or do I remain the same, and hope that the person or people are out there for me?

I know my faults....and I know my charms. It's all a part of who I am...and lately because certain people haven't been accepting of them...I feel like I'm suffering because of it. And I did entertain the thought that perhaps I should make a wholesale change, or become a bit more proactive. To mold and dull the rough edges of who I am to make myself more palatable to those I want to hang out with because I'm sick and tired of being alone, per se.

But then I realized...that if I did that...the people hanging out with me wouldn't be hanging out with "ME"...but they'd be socializing with a fake; a fraud, a counterfeit. And I would hate myself for having to undertake the charade. HATE IT.

So...even though who I am isn't going to get me invited by people I think should want to hang out with me...that's ok. I am who I am...all of me...witty and sarcastic...compassionate to the point of being moved to tears...and hard headed to the point of callousness. Incredibly intelligent in some things...and incredibly ignorant in others. Uplifting and cruel. Religious and...well, you get the gist. I'm a glorious rainbow of contradictions, a mosaic of inconsistencies...and that is who I am.

And while I can slighly modify and change myself....I have to be careful that I do it not to curry favour with those who don't respect me for who I am...but because I want to change.

There's a lot of "I"s in this post...but I think I'm ok with that.

Be who you are. Always. And let your personality and who are be irrepressible!!!