Judging People By Their Covers...

I was working out at my local YMCA in Toronto. Now, I have a regular gym, but its pool is closed over the holiday season. And since the YMCA has a pool, and an offer for 2 weeks free use, I decided to avail myself of the opportunity and use their pool.

When I was done, it was pretty late, since I'm a night owl and like being up late. They have special procedures for exiting and entering the facility when it's late, as it's open 24 hours. Of course, being new, I had no idea what these procedures were. As I went to the entrance I came in, I saw signs that it was closed. After asking some other users of the gym who had no clue whatsoever, I saw a cleaner, and decided to ask him what the hell I was supposed to do to get out of there!

I posed my question to the cleaner, and he gave me the correct answer. However, what he said after that was pretty sobering, and pretty uplifting at the same time. He went on to say that he was glad that I asked him, because no one ever asked him anything and that for the most part, they ignored him because he was a cleaner. I thought, wow...why would anyone discount his ideas and knowledge just because he was a cleaner? That makes no sense...he works here, he would no. I've never treated people like that, based on their status as to what they do for a living. But then I remembered what happened last week...

I sing, and love doing so. I sing at a church downtown that has a high social justice focus. Thus, there are programs for depression, HIV/Aids, refugees, GLBT people, and anyone else that may have trouble relating to a mainstream church. As I was singing, I noticed what appeared to be a homeless person sitting behind my backpack. I have to admit, I judged a book by its cover. She had a cane, looked rather frail and unkempt, and I totally subscribed to my base instincts--namely, I hope she didn't take my stuff.

I'm not the warmest person in the world. Making small talk is hard for me, and I sometimes have problems being empathic with others. I wouldn't make a great grief counsellor, is what I'm saying. I'm too inwardly focused, and too analytical to be comfortable in dealing with a lot of emotions--especially with strangers.

The service moved me, and I saw several people treat this woman with kindness and warmth. Still, I didn't think I had it in me, and was still dubious and harbouring classist thoughts.    As I walked over to get my stuff, this elderly, frail woman, on the outskirts of society thanked me for our singing.  With tears in her eyes, she gestured to her cane, she said she used to run marathons, but with bone disease, those days were past.

Now, I walk with limp, and have severe arthritis...and I'm in my 30s. Just bad luck, or the fates, or the will of God. Take your pick. However, when she said that...I took her hand, and with my eyes welling up, I told her I understood. In one brief twinkling of an eye, I was shown that her and I were very much alike, and were bound together.

I realized that despite our different circumstances, our different lives, our ages..that in one way, she and I were the same, and that my arrogance and pride had no place. Who was I to look down on her? Who was I to judge based on appearances? In a church, when I should have been acting like Jesus, I was acting like his persecutors. This nameless woman and I had more in common that I was prepared to admit. I was truly ashamed, and deservedly so.

The two stories are linked, of course. In both cases, I made someone happy. In one case, I did it on my own free will, and on my own volition. In the other, I was taught a very useful life lesson in a church in the process.

My point is that you, dear readers, don't know when or where, or what you will do to make someone's day. It can be the tiniest thing, the most insignificant gesture on your part, that will make someone be happier, so you have to be cognizant of the moments and act on them.

My OTHER point, is obviously about judging people before you know them, and on the most superficial of reasons. In one instance, I didn't do so...and in another, I did, to my deep shame.

Now, as mentioned before, I do go to Church, believe in God, and consider myself a Christian. So when I say "life"...I mean God.  Others may be atheists, agnostics, or believe in other religions, or simply believe in fate or karma. All of that notwithstanding...

I believe that life in general has lessons to teach us. Life has a funny way of treating us, and giving us the messages we need to hear. And we have to be careful that we don't ignore the message just because the messenger isn't clothed in the way we like, or is not respectable in the eyes of "society, or doesn't drive the right car.

Wow. Touched on a lot of things today...feel like the entry is a bit scattered. No matter. Sometimes I feel scattered..but please don't judge me on first appearances...:)

Sobbing When Tears are Not Enough

“Oh, I am very weary, Though tears no longer flow; My eyes are tired of weeping, My heart is sick of woe.”

The above quote was from Anne Bronte...I like it a lot. My entries seem to be jelling into a series about emotions, so I'll continue the theme, so to speak.

How often do we cry? Not just tear up, but go into a full scale weeping? Really let the tears flow? I'm sure women do that more often then men, but it's a legit question, I think.

Just as getting angry is vitally important for releasing emotions that have the potential to corrode and eat at our souls, crying does the same thing, I think, but in a different way. Anger gets rid of those emotions which threaten to "blow us up". Anger disposes of those feelings that would cause us harm by their toxicity-slowing eating our souls from the inside, until there's nothing left but bitterness and cynicism.

Crying..I think, gets rid of those emotions that would sink our souls. Just like a ship that takes on too much water, crying gets rid of those emotions that would cause us to sink further and further into despair and grief. Crying allows us to get rid of those emotions that drag us down into sadness, and depression. Crying is like a rainfall...it clears the metaphorical skies of our life of clouds and grayness.

The last time I cried is when I realized that something I was hoping for would most likely never happen in regards to my personal life. Someone I cared about deeply was never going to see me in "that" way.  Never. EVER.  And yes, I was mad as well, and yes, it was recently. And I got angry. Angry with myself for letting my emotions run wild and rampant, angry for being a fool, and angry for a whole lot of things. And that got rid of the bitterness and rage (mostly). But there was a residual feeling that still hung around after my little tantrum. I realized in due course that me getting angry didn't rid myself of the immense sadness I felt. It didn't rid me of the grief, and melancholy that still existed in my heart. 

So,  I freely admit that this wasn't my eyes tearing up, or getting moist, or any of the euphemisms that are out there. I wept. Freely and unabashedly. There was nothing else I could do. And yes, I'm a guy, and guys are supposed to keep their feelings under control...but gentlemen--it doesn't make you any less than a man to acknowledge to yourself and others that you have emotions and that you aren't a robot!

But getting back to the subject at hand. Life can be brutal. And unfair. And SO UNFAIR. Life can turn around and treat you like crap. And those emotions will drag you under to the point where you can't function. Those feelings have to go somewhere, and be released. And yes...sometimes getting angry helps. But sometimes...the emotions of grief, despair, sadness...futility can only be expunged by sitting down by yourself, or someone who cares about you, or even a trained professional (should it come to that), and crying. And a word of warning...sometimes people believe that they get angry and they let it all out, and that's that. They make the mistake of thinking that rage and anger is the only cathartic option open to them. It's not.

Let it all out. Whether you cry to God, or whatever deity you believe in, or the fates, or just at the injustices of the world...do not keep it inside. Please.